Dear Heart,
Yes, the pain can seem unbearable. Sometimes it can feel that life’s not even worth going on with. I’ve been there too, when I was very young and inexperienced.
Now, I have a better understanding of what’s really happening, psychologically and even physically, so it’s easier for me to get my balance back faster.
I just mentioned a very important point. Balance. You have been emotionally knocked off balance, and how long it takes to restore it, is totally under your control.
There are a couple of factors underlying this. One is grief. The other is fear.
I’ll speak about grief first.
The death of a relationship can be understood in similar terms of an actual physical death. The well-accepted five stages of grief also show up in relationship break-ups – denial, rage, negotiation, depression, peace.
Initially you would have been numb with shock at the announcement. You may probably have had a bit to drink, to keep yourself numb. You probably wanted to sleep for a long time, and hoped madly that you might wake up thinking this was all a bad dream.
Then you would have moved onto anger and rage. Being a drama queen can be very therapeutic because it will move you along the path of grief. This is when the belongings get thrown onto the footpath. This is when glasses get smashed, and paintings slashed.
Next comes negotiation, which sounds like where you’re at. This is where some kind of sanity is restored, contemplation, introspection, analysing the relationship. This is when poets and songwriters and wordsmiths find a lot of material for their craft (that’s why you get SO many sad songs)
(to be continued)